Generations of women have been conditioned to see marriage or partnership as a financial safety net. But in today’s world, where divorce rates are rising and life is full of uncertainty, it’s vital to embrace the idea that, “A man is not a plan.”
Perhaps I should say, “A man is not a financial plan.” In other words, women should not count on a man for their financial security. Nor should they count on them to manage the family’s finances without any input.
No matter how secure you may feel in your relationships, life is full of too many uncertainties, in particular death and divorce. We don’t know when our partner is going to die or when we are no longer going to be married. A committed relationship can end at any time. According to data cited by AARP, the rate of divorce among people 65 and older tripled from 1990 to 2021.
New Beginnings
New beginnings often come with mixed emotions – excitement, fear, and uncertainty – especially as far as their finances are concerned. For many women, these moments can be exhilarating, but others struggle with their finances. Whether you’re managing inherited assets, revisiting your insurance policies, or adjusting to a single-income household, it’s crucial to approach these financial shifts with a strategy rooted in your goals.
While trends are changing, women facing new beginnings – especially widowhood or divorce – have had their spouses manage the family’s finances during their lives together. Once they find themselves on their own, it’s time to acknowledge something vital: A man is not a plan. Your financial security shouldn’t depend on anyone but yourself.
Unfortunately, when these women meet a new man, they often fall back into the same trap. They let the new man in their life manage their finances.
However, while relationships are partnerships, they aren’t substitutes for a solid, independent financial strategy. As we dive into how to own your financial power, let’s discuss why you, as a woman facing new beginnings, have more control than you might think.
“A man is not a plan. Women should not count on a man to take care of them. They should educate themselves in something they love doing, become financially self-sufficient, and plan for their future.” Mary Buffett – Author of Buffettology and Warren Buffett’s former daughter-in-law
1. Your Financial Future Is in Your Hands
An old saying still rings true: “Failing to plan is planning to fail.” Whether starting a new chapter after a divorce, becoming a single mother, or making a career pivot, having a clear financial plan is essential. Too often, women have been led to believe marriage or partnership is a guaranteed safety net for financial stability.
However, relying solely on someone else’s plan – or to manage your plan – can leave you vulnerable. What happens if life throws you a curveball? Or if that partnership ends unexpectedly? Taking control of your finances ensures you have a foundation to stand on – one built on your goals and values, not anyone else’s.
2. Why Many Women Feel Uncertain About Their Finances
For many women facing new beginnings, uncertainty about finances is rooted in a common experience: ceding control of financial decisions to a spouse or significant other. This issue often goes unnoticed during the relationship as roles tend to form naturally, with one partner handling the day-to-day finances or long-term planning.
Over time, this division can create a sense of detachment from financial matters. You may have found comfort in the idea that “he takes care of it,” only to later realize that this dynamic left you unprepared to handle financial independence. Suddenly, with the relationship ending, you’re not just dealing with emotional changes – you’re also navigating financial waters that feel unfamiliar.
It’s important to acknowledge that this uncertainty is common, but it’s also something you can overcome. The good news is, that it’s never too late to learn and regain control of your financial life.
3. The Importance of Financial Literacy
If there’s one skill that pays dividends in every area of life, it’s financial literacy. Yet, studies show that women are less likely than men to feel confident about their financial knowledge – often because they haven’t had the opportunity to fully engage with it.
While many women have as much financial knowledge as their male counterparts, this lack of confidence can lead them to think they don’t know the answers even when they do.
Start with the basics: budgeting, understanding your credit score, knowing where your money is going, and investing for the future. These represent more than “nice-to-haves” – they’re critical tools to help you build your financial independence. Whether you’re balancing a family budget or thinking about long-term investments, educating yourself is the first step to taking control.
If you’ve spent years deferring financial decisions to someone else, you’ll benefit by approaching this learning process without judgment. You’re not starting from scratch; you’re starting from experience. Take advantage of online financial tools and educational resources. There are apps, podcasts, and courses designed specifically to empower women to take control of their financial lives. Remember, no one will care more about your money than you do.
If you’re unsure about how to get started, you can download our free e-book – “How to Flourish Through Life’s Big Changes.” You can also view our three-part Female Investor Workshop
- Part 1 – Saving vs. Investing, Budgeting, Setting Priorities, Inflation, and Debt.
- Part 2 – Social Security, Investment Types, Diversification, Taxes, and Estate Planning.
- Part 3 – Financial and Retirement Planning.
I also recommend reading, Morgan Housel’s The Psychology of Money.
4. Align Your Values with Your Financial Goals
Financial planning allows you to align your spending, saving, and investing with your values, which can be empowering. You can easily get swept up in the idea that financial success looks a certain way – whether that’s owning a big house, having a luxury car, or amassing a certain amount of wealth. But your financial goals should reflect your life and your values.
Are you passionate about giving back to your community? Make charitable donations part of your financial plan. Do you want to prioritize family or work-life balance? Create a budget that allows for flexibility in your career choices. Do you dream of traveling the world? Set up a travel fund and make that dream a reality.
Make a plan reflecting what’s meaningful to you. A plan that includes elements of your most meaningful life. A man is not a plan. Your plan shouldn’t represent someone else’s vision of success.
5. Set Boundaries—With Money and Relationships
While emotional support from partners, family, and friends is important, you must set clear boundaries around financial decisions. Too often, women find themselves in financial partnerships or relationships where they have little control over important decisions.
If you’ve come out of a marriage or long-term relationship where your spouse handled the finances, now is the time to reclaim control. This doesn’t mean you have to make every decision alone, but you should actively participate in your financial life moving forward.
Whether you’re in a new relationship or coming out of one, remembering that a man is not a plan ensures that you’re playing an active role in managing your finances. This might mean sitting down with a financial advisor, reevaluating your budget, or learning about investments. It’s not about knowing all the answers right away, but about being engaged, asking questions, and making sure you’re informed.
6. Build Your Own Safety Net
One of the most liberating financial moves you can make is creating a personal safety net. This means having savings, investments, and a plan in place that is yours, independent of anyone else. If you’re unsure how to get started, consider paying yourself first. Whether it’s a rainy-day fund, an emergency account, or investments in your name, this safety net will help you build the confidence needed to take risks and pursue new opportunities without the fear of financial instability.
Consider it your “freedom fund.” It’s not just about being prepared for the unexpected – it’s about having the freedom to choose without financial constraints and worries. Whether that’s the freedom to leave a toxic job or relationship, take time off for personal growth, or explore a new career, it’s about giving yourself options.
7. The Power of Community
Finally, don’t underestimate the power of surrounding yourself with other financially empowered women. Find a community that will encourage you to ask questions, share insights, and grow in your financial journey. Whether it’s through networking groups, online forums, or financial workshops, there’s strength in learning from and supporting one another.
Women’s financial independence isn’t just about personal success; it’s about shifting cultural narratives and empowering future generations. By stepping into your financial power, you’re setting an example for other women and showing that we all can thrive on our terms.
Conclusion: A Man Is Not a Plan. Own Your Power, Build YOUR Plan
As you embrace new beginnings, remember that financial independence is your key to freedom and opportunity. A man can be a partner, a supporter, or a friend—but a man is not a plan. You are your own plan. You have the tools, the resources, and the strength to create a future rooted in your goals and your values.
So, take control, educate yourself, and build a financial future that empowers you. Because when you’re the one holding the reins, no one can take that power away from you. We are here to help. Schedule a free call if you want to have someone by your side, supporting you during your journey to financial empowerment and independence.
Take the First Step Toward a future of Financial Freedom and Confidence
By taking the first step today, you’re not just working to secure your financial future – you’re building the confidence and freedom to thrive through life’s transitions. Schedule a complimentary consultation today. Let’s work together to create a personalized financial plan that aligns with your values and empowers you every step of the way.
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For firm disclosures, see here: https://apprisewealth.com/disclosures/
Phil Weiss founded Apprise Wealth Management. He started his financial services career in 1987 working as a tax professional for Deloitte & Touche. For the past 25+ years, he has worked extensively in the areas of financial planning and investment management. Phil is both a CFA charterholder and a CPA.
Located just north of Baltimore, Apprise works with clients face-to-face locally and can also work virtually regardless of location.
