A Better Life May Require Subtraction

Phil Weiss, CFA®, CPA, RLP®

2 weeks ago

We usually think we can improve our lives by adding something. We can:

Earn more money.
Travel more.
Set another goal.
Spend more time with family and friends.

All those things can make life better.

But there’s an obvious problem. There are still only 24 hours in a day. At some point, you can’t keep adding without taking something away.

That’s why one of the most useful questions you can ask may not be:

What else do I want to do?

It may be:

What am I ready to stop doing?

Sometimes the best way to simplify your life isn’t to become more efficient at fitting everything in. It’s to decide that not everything still deserves a place.

Key Points

A better life does not always require more. Sometimes progress comes from subtraction.
Subtraction can mean stopping something, reducing it, or delegating it.
Consider what something costs in Time, Energy, Attention, and Money, and what the resulting space might make possible.
You don’t always need to know what will fill the opening. Leaving space open can have value of its own.

This is the second in a three-part series about using your resources to create more room for what matters. In Part 1, I explored why your next chapter may be more like a dimmer switch than a light switch. In Part 3, we’ll look more closely at how you can use money to create greater freedom.

More Isn’t Always Better

Our culture tends to reward addition. A promotion or a larger house can look like progress. A fuller calendar can make us feel important, while more responsibility can signal that others trust us.

And for much of our lives, addition makes sense. We build careers and relationships, raise families, accumulate assets, and take on responsibilities.

Eventually, those things begin competing for the same finite resources. A responsibility can consume hours without costing much money. A possession can have significant financial value while demanding more attention than you want to give it. A role can provide status while draining your energy. And a commitment that fit ten years ago may no longer fit today.

If you want to simplify your life, looking only at your finances won’t tell you enough. You need to ask what each part of your TEAM is supporting.

Something Can Matter and Still No Longer Fit

My wife and I have lived in our current home for more than 23 years. If our plans unfold as expected, we’ll have lived here for at least 25 years when we move. It’s where we raised our four children. Only our oldest child remembers the house we lived in before this one. For our children, this is home. Leaving will be difficult for all of us.

But after our daughter finishes college and gets settled, my wife and I expect that we’ll move.

The practical reasons are fairly straightforward. We bought this house to raise our children. We won’t need as much space when those children no longer live with us.

Depending on where we move, a smaller home could require less maintenance, have a lower tax bill, and cost less to heat, cool, and maintain. A smaller home would leave us with less physical space to manage. Depending on where we live, it may also become easier to travel without worrying as much about what needs attention while we’re away.

From a rational perspective, the decision makes sense. Emotion doesn’t always follow rationality.

Selling the house won’t mean it stopped mattering to us. It won’t erase the family dinners, game nights, holidays, graduations, laughter, arguments, or thousands of ordinary days that made it our family’s home.

That leads to an important distinction:

Something can matter deeply to you and still no longer fit the life you’re building.

Trying to simplify your life doesn’t require pretending otherwise. Subtraction can include grief.

Stop, Reduce, or Delegate?

When I talk about subtraction, I don’t mean you should simply quit doing anything you dislike.

There are at least three ways to subtract:

Stop it.

Reduce it.

Delegate it.

Those aren’t the same decision.

You might stop serving as treasurer of an organization while remaining involved in its leadership. You might reduce your hours at work instead of retiring completely. You might hire someone to maintain your home without giving up responsibility for the home itself. In each case, you’re changing how much of yourself the responsibility requires. That is very different from abandoning it.

Leadership Doesn’t Always Mean Carrying More

I’ve held leadership roles that included serving as treasurer. In one case, the books needed significant work, and I helped get them into better shape. Once they were, I realized I didn’t have to remain treasurer to remain a leader. I handed the role off and felt relief, not guilt. I had left things in better shape for the next person, but that didn’t obligate me to keep doing the job indefinitely.

Subtraction can be especially difficult for high achievers.

Many people become successful because they’re willing to say yes. Yes, I’ll take responsibility. Yes, I’ll solve the problem. Yes, I’ll help. Those habits can serve us extremely well. Until they don’t.

If you’re trying to simplify your life, learning to say no may matter as much as learning to do more.

And one word can make subtraction especially difficult:

Should.

I should keep working.
I should keep the house.
I should be able to manage the investments myself.
I should be able to handle everything.

Maybe.

But it’s worth asking:

Who decided you should?

Sometimes the answer is you, because the responsibility still reflects a promise or value you care about. Other times, the “should” survives long after the reason for it disappears.

Not Everything You Stop Has to Be Worthless

We may assume we’re only allowed to stop something if it’s clearly bad. That’s too high a standard.

Years ago, I bought a lawn tractor from our home’s previous owner because I planned to cut the grass myself. After roughly three hours, I still wasn’t finished.

My wife eventually found someone who would do it for $45. I stopped mowing and later sold the tractor. The buyer took one look at our yard and told me the tractor was too small for the property.

The one part I enjoyed was having one of our young children ride with me. But I had plenty of other ways to spend three hours with them.

Cutting the grass wasn’t worthless. It simply wasn’t the best use of my Time, Energy, and Attention.

If you want to simplify your life, don’t ask only:

Do I hate doing this?

Ask:

Does this still deserve what I’m giving it?

What If Tomorrow Had Only 22 Hours?

During my life-planning training, a trainer named Louis shared an exercise that has stayed with me. We often say, ‘I don’t have enough time.’ Imagine that a cosmic event permanently reduced every day from 24 hours to 22. You can’t compensate by sleeping less.

What would you stop doing?

You’d have to find something. Maybe you’d spend less time on your phone, attend fewer meetings, say no more often, delegate something at home, or reduce how much time work consumes.

Whatever you choose, the exercise forces you to prioritize. Of course, not everyone controls their day. Caregiving, work, health, and finances can impose very real constraints. The point isn’t that every demand on your time is optional. It’s to ask:

Within the time you can influence, are you using it in ways that reflect what matters most?

That question can help you simplify your life without pretending every demand on your time is optional.

Don’t Rush to Fill the Opening

Here’s where I think subtraction gets especially interesting. Let’s say you stop doing something. Now what? Our instinct may be to fill the opening immediately.

You retire on Friday and start searching for activities on Monday. You step away from one responsibility and immediately replace it with another.

Why?

Maybe we aren’t comfortable with empty space. If you’ve spent decades accomplishing things and responding to other people’s needs, an open afternoon can feel surprisingly unproductive. But what if you leave it open?

You might rest, read, exercise, reconnect with someone, or notice something you’d been too busy to notice. Or spend enough time living differently to discover what you want next.

You don’t have to know what will replace something before you stop doing it. Sometimes leaving the space open helps the answer become visible. If your goal is to simplify your life, don’t clear your calendar only to fill it again. Sometimes the space itself is part of the benefit.

Subtraction Isn’t Avoidance

Subtraction doesn’t give us permission to quit everything difficult.

Some important responsibilities are difficult. We still have to take care of our health, have uncomfortable conversations, fulfill promises, care for people who depend on us, and do work we don’t always enjoy.

A meaningful life still includes friction.

The question is whether something drains you because it no longer serves a purpose, or because it still matters and happens to be difficult.

Delegating Doesn’t Mean Disengaging

Finances provide a good example. You can delegate investment management without disengaging from your financial life. You can still understand what you own, your financial situation, and the reasoning behind important recommendations. I named my firm Apprise because ‘apprise’ means to inform. I want clients to ask questions and understand.

I feel similarly about parenting. My wife and I had help while raising four children, but being present mattered to us. I interrupted workdays to coach their sports, sometimes returning to work after dinner. That wasn’t always the most efficient approach to my day or my career, but parenting wasn’t something I wanted to optimize away. The goal of subtraction isn’t to do as little as possible. It’s to remain personally involved in the things that deserve you.

A Five-Question Subtraction Test

Five-question subtraction test to help you simplify your life asking what an activity gives you, costs you, what space it could create, what happens if you stop, reduce, or delegate it, and how reversible the decision is.

If you’re trying to decide whether something still deserves a place in your life, consider five questions.

1. What is this giving me?

Name the benefit honestly. It may provide meaning, relationships, income, purpose, enjoyment, or security.

2. What is it costing me?

Look beyond money. How much Time, Energy, Attention, and Money does it consume?

3. What might the space allow?

What might you do with the resources it frees? Or would you benefit from leaving the space open?

4. What happens if I stop it, reduce it, or delegate it?

Consider the financial cost, the effect on other people, and any remaining responsibilities. Subtraction shouldn’t simply transfer an unwanted burden to someone else.

5. How reversible is the decision?

Working fewer hours differs from retiring permanently. The less reversible the choice, the more deliberately you should approach it.

Not every subtraction needs to begin with a permanent decision. Sometimes you can turn the dial before you flip the switch.

I Am Thinking About Subtraction in My Own Future

I’m doing this work myself right now. I’m thinking about what I want Apprise to look like ten years from today. I don’t want to build a firm that depends on me doing everything forever. I expect to add people to the team.

That should let me spend less time on some of the operational responsibilities I currently carry. I want to remain involved.

Over time, I want to focus more of my work on what I enjoy most and where I believe I contribute most: helping clients think about the lives they want to live; life planning; financial and tax planning; writing; mentoring; and thinking strategically about the firm.

Reducing other responsibilities should also create more flexibility for travel, family, friends, exercise, learning, and simply having more room in my calendar.

That’s not retirement. It’s subtraction.

And I’m beginning to think that may be one of the most important ways I can simplify my life without giving up the things I still want to do.

What Are You Carrying Because You Think You Should?

It’s tempting to think a better life requires another goal. Another accomplishment, trip, activity, or commitment. Sometimes it does. But addition isn’t the only path forward. Sometimes flourishing requires subtraction. You might stop something, do less of it, or let someone else help. Something that once mattered may no longer deserve the same amount of your life.

And you don’t always have to know immediately what will take its place. Subtraction isn’t the goal. Making room for what matters is.

Start with one question:

What are you still doing because you think you should, rather than because it still deserves a place in your life?

Then ask:

What might become possible if you stopped carrying it?

Financial planning can help you quantify the trade-offs. Life planning can help you clarify which ones align with what matters most to you.

Sometimes the next step toward a more fulfilling life isn’t doing more. It’s deciding what you can finally put down.

What Could You Make More Room For?

If you’re facing a major transition or trying to simplify your life, financial and life planning can help you evaluate whether the way you use your resources still reflects what matters most.

At Apprise, we help clients align their Time, Energy, Attention, and Money with the lives they want to build.

Schedule a call to talk about what you want to make more room for.